Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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