I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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