It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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