so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
