a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
