Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
