3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
