Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
why is half of my head shaved?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
