I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
