I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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