The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
