I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
