I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
