So drunk its hurt
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
