If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
