fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
