he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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