just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
