Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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