and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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