I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
