Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
