This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
