I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
