my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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