I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
