I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
