In the future we'll all be gay
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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