I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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