She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
