can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
