I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
