I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
