Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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