I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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