I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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