Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
