Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
