Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I did not marry a roomba.
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