so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
