If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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