ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
