Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
