First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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