Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
