Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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