she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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