he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
