There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Randomize
