Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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