Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
