yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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