Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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