Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
