What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
