My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
